Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
