Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
