Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
