the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
