You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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