You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
