I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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