I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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