god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I love you. Go after that dick
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
