my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
