that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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