We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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