good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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