if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
