lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
