I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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