apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.