Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not