Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder