You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision