I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Please don't give away my fajitas
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize