Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
