Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
