What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
