I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
