im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
