Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
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I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
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Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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