New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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