you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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