Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
