Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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