It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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