Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
