i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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