chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
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Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
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And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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