You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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