Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
