I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize