Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
