Having a random hookup so left but love u
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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