She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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