tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
