so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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