weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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