okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
