Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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