The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize