after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
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I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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