Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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