we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
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Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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