the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
