i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
