My brain says no but my pants say off.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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